Name a Card: A Comprehensive Guide to Memeing your Opponent

Wizards have made an important change to the Comprehensive Rules for Guilds of Ravnica that cannot go unnoticed. As of 28th September 2018, you can name ANY CARD in Magic history when a spell requires you to name a card. Now cards like Pithing Needle, Cabal Therapy and Tainted Pact have their fullest potential unlocked and I couldn’t be more excited to meme my opponent.

In WoTC’s never ending goal to clean up unnecessary rules an interesting announcement was made:

changes
I’ve never been so happy to read a rules update
Of course a reasonable decision to come to but unbeknownst to WoTC they did a great thing for me. I love casting Cabal Therapy but when I just need to sacrifice Griselbrand post combat so it doesn’t get exiled or sacrifice a Veteran Explorer to ramp into giant creatures, trying to take cards from my opponent’s hand is irrelevant. So like the meme lord I am, taking the time to pause and reflect on a funny card to name with Cabal Therapy is as crucial decision to me as any other play.
As to not keep my trade secrets hidden from the world, I’ve decided to compile a list of great cards to name with these cards and when to use them. These are mainly for use online however I have added a list of honorable mentions that you can only name in paper. Of course this is just a suggestion and ultimately, the power is in your hands. Use wisely.

Scenario 1: When you are going off and you need to add to the Storm count or you are just guaranteed the win:

  1. Lose Hope
  2. Abandon Hope
  3. Dash Hopes
  4. Thief of Hope
  5. Lost Legacy
  6. Totally Lost
  7. Certain Death
  8. Overwhelming Intellect “My brain hurts.”
  9. Greater Good
  10. Savage Beating
  11. Imminent Doom

Scenario 2: When you know the game is over and this is one of the last cards you can play before you lose the game or you are just tilted of the face of the earth:

  1. Thrun, the Last Troll
  2. Dismal Failure
  3. Failed Inspection
  4. Baffling End
  5. Condescend
  6. Painful Lesson
  7. Garbage Fire
  8. Mind Games
  9. Karma
  10. Reap What is Sown

Scenario 3: When you are playing some kind of Laboratory Manic / Tainted Pact combo or if things go wrong you can lose:

Scenario 4: When you are Turn 1 naming a card in the blind. WARNING: Haters will tell you to not do this:

  1. Obstinate Baloth
  2. Blind Hunter
  3. Select for Inspection

Things that sounds funny when you read them out loud:

And finally, honorable mentions that can only be named in paper:

  1. Your Fate is Thrice Sealed (Good to name with the 3rd Pithing Needle)
  2. Your Puny Minds Cannot Fathom
  3. My Genius Knows No Bounds
  4. For Each of You, a Gift (Perfect for a tense game of EDH)
  5. Dance, Pathetic Marionette
  6. A Display of My Dark Power
  7. Because I Have Willed It
  8. Behold my Grandeur

Thank you so much to the 7 Point Highlander and the Pleasant Kenobi Discord channels and the Australian Magic Community as a whole for helping me compile this list!

Do you have any other cards for consideration? Comment below or tweet at me @cbrmtg or @dude_thisguy.

In the mean time I will running it back with one of my favourite decks, Nic Fit to test out some of these card names on our usual Lazy Sunday Legacy stream on Sunday the 7th Oct 2018 at 8pm Aus EST. Let’s catch up then.

Angus McKay
@dude_thisguy

IMPORTANT EDIT:

“The rule about naming cards says you have to choose the name of a card from the Oracle database. The Oracle database includes all cards printed at normal card size, including silver-bordered cards, contraptions, conspiracies, etc. It doesn’t include oversized cards such as planes, schemes, or vanguards. It also doesn’t include exclusive unreleased promotional cards like 1996 World Champion or Shichifukujin Dragon”

This means, and I’m sorry dear reader, but you cannot name schemes in competitive play.

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